


Wisdom Teeth Removal

by ciderpuppy



Category: Kill la Kill
Genre: Comedy, Dentist, Why Did I Write This?, Wisdom Teeth
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-30
Updated: 2015-12-30
Packaged: 2018-05-10 11:28:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,154
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5584102
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ciderpuppy/pseuds/ciderpuppy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nonon has to take Ryuko and Satsuki to the dentist to get their wisdom teeth removed, but the anesthetics cause them to have rather ridiculous behaviors on their drive back home.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Wisdom Teeth Removal

**Author's Note:**

> Don't take this disaster seriously, I wrote this at like three in the morning and I was simply being a goof ball because exhaust (/0w0)/ Please excuse any grammar errors that I failed to correct and I hope you can at least get a small kick out of this mess X)

"There's no way I'm going to the dentist and you can't make me!" Ryuko shouted while being dragged along the floor of their apartment living room as she dug her fingernails into the carpet.

The two people holding tightly to her feet and dragging her, Nonon and Satsuki, pulled the struggling young lady out the door and into the driveway.

"Just woman up, damnit!" Nonon yelled as Ryuko attempted to kick herself free from their grasp.

"I hear it isn't as bad as you think, Ryuko," Satsuki spoke calmly while they dragged her sister over to the car. "You've been complaining about your teeth hurting for weeks now and now you ha-"

"Have been driving everybody up the wall because you won't shut the hell up about them and refuse to get them pulled!" interrupted Nonon.

"You have left us with no other choice," Satsuki finished her interrupted comment.

"Exactly," Nonon opened the door of the back seat, "so, shut up, suck it up, and get in the damn car!"

Satsuki and Nonon attempted to shove Ryuko into the back of the car, but Ryuko struggled like her life depended on it.

"You can't make me, you tiny, pink hobgoblin! And neither can you, Eyebrows!" she tried forcing her way past the two women who both had surprising impressive strength.

"Hold on," Satsuki began with a smirk. "Surely my little sister isn't scared, right?"

"What?!" Ryuko suddenly stopped, she felt like she'd just issued a challenge. "I'm not scared! I just don't want to go! That's all! And I've got shit to do on my video game and there's a time limit!"

Catching on to what Satsuki was trying to do, Nonon played along. "You know, Sanageyama wasn't scared…" she smirked.

"Wha- Like I give a damn!" Ryuko spat. "And I literally just said I'm not scared, so shut it!" After realizing that pushing passed the two woman in front of her wasn't going to be a successful option, Ryuko got an idea. She fell backwards and went into the backseat like Nonon and Satsuki were trying to get her to do, but upon doing so, Ryuko slide to the other seat and opened the door on the other side before jumping out of the car. "Ha! Freedom, bitches!" Ryuko shouted in triumph as she fled for the front door.

"Aw, no you dont!" Nonon shouted. She climbed on top of Satsuki's car and leaped forward through the air for Ryuko.

"Ow! The hell?!" Ryuko crashed to the ground from being tackled by the flying Jakuzure. "Get off me, midget!" she tried pushing herself free from the smaller girl's grasp.

"Satsuki, help!" Nonon cried attempting to keep her arms around Ryuko's waist.

Satsuki ran over to the squabble and decided to squat down in front of Ryuko. "Alright, Ryuko, what will it take for you to go to the dentist peacefully?"

"Nothing! Literally nothing in existence will make me go to that hell hole!" Ryuko retorted while continuing to wrestle with Nonon.

"Money?" Satsuki asked.

"No!"

"Video game?"

"No! I'm not going to the bloody dentist and nobody can make me!" Ryuko shouted. "Dude, what the hell?! You're like a damn python! Let go!" she continued attempting to free herself from Nonon's vice-like grip around her abdomen.

Satsuki sighed and reached for back pocket and retrieved her phone. "If that won't get you to go…" she pressed her finger to the screen a few times before chuckling when she turned the phone around for Ryuko to see the screen. "Then maybe this will. Wouldn't want this on the internet now, would you?"

Ryuko's angry expression suddenly went blank when she saw the video playing on the screen. "Don't lose your waaaaay, deh neh neeehhhh neh neh neh neh neh naaw! Don't be afraaiiiid, bleh bleh nehhh neh neh neh!" Ryuko's off key voice sang loudly from the phone.

Nonon couldn't contain her laughter upon seeing the video and began cackling loudly. "What in the literally hell are you even wearing?!" Nonon laughed maniacally. "You look like a giant stretched-out sock with a head!"

"You were home!? I thought you left for work!" Ryuko blushed in embarrassment.

"Came back for my keys, but was also treated with this lovely source of blackmail," Satsuki smirked still trying to contain her laughter.

"I can hardly breathe!" Nonon squeaked while still in intense laughter.

Ryuko took a deep breath and longly groaned for a few long and drawn out seconds before finally replying. "Fine…"

The drive to the dentist wasn't too far, only took about ten minutes from where Satsuki and Ryuko lived. They were about halfway there when Nonon suddenly bursted out with laughter after remembering the video of Ryuko.

"Oh my god," Ryuko blushed, "it's hardly even that funny!" She heard quiet chuckling from Satsuki in the passenger seat and groaned some more in embarrassment.

The two ladies in the front had finally settled down a bit after their faces had turned red from laughter. They were almost at their destination when Nonon broke the silence.

"What song were you even singing?" Nonon asked while she drove.

Ryuko looked puzzled. "You never heard it? It played sometimes when I was fighting during that whole life fiber stuff was a thing like a year ago."

It was quiet in the car for a few moments.

"It's my theme song?" Ryuko tried to remind them. "Like, literally. You heard it in the air. No headphones or earbuds, ya know?"

Silence again.

"Are you on something, Ryuko?" Satsuki asked with a look of concern.

"The hell are you talking about?" Nonon added.

"We all had theme songs, damnit! You didn't hear them!?" Ryuko leaned forward. "Mine was badass! Eh…even though I kind of lost my way like seventeen times, so it hardly made any sense. But Ragyo's was like in German or something, Nonon, yours was loud and obnoxious like you with a bunch of trumpets and shit, Nui's started out all cute and got all intense, Gamag-"

"I never heard any music, dude," Nonon replied while pulling into the dentist parking lot.

"Oh my god, nevermind!" Ryuko and the two other women got out of the car and headed inside the building.

\-----

Nonon sat impatiently in the waiting room of the building. Both Ryuko and Satsuki had already been called to the back for their appointments, and Nonon was eager to see how both of them reacted to the anesthetics. Uzu, Ira, and Houka were away on a trip together, but they too wanted to see the hilarity that would ensue with the sisters, so they asked Nonon record the whole ordeal. Nonon had her phone fully charged and ready to do so.

"Excuse me, Jakuzure-san?" A woman had come from the back room. "Kiryuin-san is finished, you can come see her."

"Alright." Nonon stood and followed the woman to Satsuki's room where she sat in the dentist chair. Satsuki appeared as if she had just woken up, her eyes only half open and the gauze accompanied in her mouth on both sides, it was definitely a humorous visual. Pulling out her phone, she started to record. "Sup, Satsu?"

"Shhh!" Satsuki pointed at Nonon's nose with a groggy expression, her voice was quite muffled behind the mouthful of gauze, and the medication left her sounding completely exhausted with long and drawn out sentences. "They're going…to hear you."

"Who?" asked Nonon.

"What do you mean 'who?' The teeth, damnit! She…killed my teeth! And now…they are tired…"

"I see," Nonon said behind a smirk.

"Wait, wha-" Satsuki noticed the gauze in her mouth and went to take it out. "What the hell? What…is this!? What did you…do?!"

"No, no, leave that in," the dentist spoke up gently.

Satsuki turned to the woman with a very puzzled and rather offended look. "Who… in world…? Do you know… who I am?!" she over exaggeratedly pointed to herself. "I… will have you know… that I… am Kiryuin fucking Satsuki. I am in charge of my own life!"

"And you are right about that," the woman replied with a laugh she was trying to hide. "Now I'll be back in a few minutes, Jakuzure-san. Keep an eye on her."

"Gotcha," Nonon replied as the woman exited the room. "So, how do you feel right now, Satsu?"

"I feel… I feel like …a polar bear," Satsuki groggily replied with a bobbing head. "I am a freaking polar bear. From New Zealand…"

"Why a polar bear?" Nonon chuckled.

"No, no, Nonon. You're more like a penguin… Yeah, you're a penguin. You're my penguin, ok?" Satsuki asked.

"Alright, I'm your penguin," Nonon answered.

Satsuki then began to sniffle and quietly cry.

"What's the matter?" Nonon asked in concern.

Satsuki sniffled. "She killed them…"

"Who?"

"She just ripped them right out of my mouth like a barbaric barbarian!" she answered forcefully while still crying. Then she ubruptly stopped crying out of nowhere and her expression suddenly turned to serious and determined. "They're not gonna get me too, I'm getting out of here!" she attempted to get out of the dentist chair.

"No, no, just stay here for a li-"

"What…in the literal world…of Poseidon…is…that?!" Ryuko's heavily slurred voice asked loudly from another room. And Like Satsuki, her speech too was very much slowed and muffled. Someone inaudibly answered her question before Ryuko replied loudly once again. "A plant?!… Aw, shit! Am I… am I in the jungle?!"

"Sounds like Ryuko's done," Nonon said with a grin.

"I am…legit Tarzan, that man in the movie was a liar," Ryuko casually told her dentist.

"You're Tarzan?" her dentist asked.

"Yeah, I'm Tarzan," Ryuko sloppily pointed to herself. "Cause like… we are in the jungle and oh my god, where's my gorilla?! Well, fuck you, Cave Johnson! Get your hands where I can see 'em!" Ryuko rose her hand at nothing in particular and pointed her index and middle finger and folded her ring and pinky finger inward to form her hand into the shape of a handgun. "Pew pew! Pew pew pew pew! We got him officers!" she sang jofully as she waved her hand above her head while her dentist was trying to retain her laughter.

"Is that Ryuko?" Satsuki asked Nonon.

"Yeah, that's her," Nonon replied.

Satsuki was quiet for moment, she simply sat quietly for a moment and decided to raise her hands to her face and thoroughly observe each individual finger. "Matoi Ryuko!" she abruptly shouted and startled Nonon into making her jump.

"Kiryuin Satsuki!" Ryuko shouted from the other room.

"Matoi Ryu-"

"Satsuki, chill," Nonon shushed, "you've gotta calm dow-"

"Don't tell me… how to live my Kiryuin Satsuki life, penguin lady!" Satsuki hobbled out of the chair and somehow managed to stand without falling over. "I am going to see my Ryuko! And you …are either with me or against me."

"Satsuki!" Nonon blocked her path by standing in the door frame. "You should really stay in here, ya know? For your safety? And others…" she mumbled that last part.

"Ssshhhh…." Satsuki raised her index finger to Nonon's mouth. "Gorillas have to eat too, Nonon, don't be so selfish." She then hobbled her way passed Nonon and over to Ryuko's room to which she found her sitting in the dentist chair. Nonon followed close behind to make sure Satsuki didn't hurt herself somehow.

"Don't lose your waaaaaaay…" Ryuko groggily bobbed her head from side to side. But she stopped upon noticing Satsuki at the doorway. "Who dares enter Tarzan's lair? You have no right to- Whoa!… You're hot!… Are you my wife?"

"No. My girlfriend, your sister," Nonon replied.

"Damnit…" Ryuko groaned.

"I'm her wife?" Satsuki asked turned to Nonon looking puzzled.

"Wait, so you are my wife?!" Ryuko perked up again.

"No," Nonon groaned, "you guys aren't mar-"

"That's great!" Ryuko said with a jovial smile. "Cause like… I want to take you home to the bedroom… and then we could lie on the bed and then we could have some really, really kinky s-"

"Okay!" Nonon interrupted loudly. "I think it's time for Satsuki, not your wife, to go back to her room now!" Nonon gently urged Satsuki back with her hands and guided her back to her room.

\-----

Outside the building and in the parking lot, Nonon and the sisters made their way out to the car. Ryuko faired a little better on somewhat keeping her balance as she walked, so Nonon had to stop recording for a bit in order to efficiently help Satsuki hobble her way out to their car, but she still kept a protective eye on Ryuko to make sure she didn't go towards the street. Upon arrival, Nonon helped Satsuki in before instructing Ryuko to get in as well, but Ryuko simply stood by her door and looked very puzzled at the car.

"You need help?" Nonon asked while buckling Satsuki's seatbelt for her.

"No, Noonoon! I'm a grown-ass woman, I don't need help!" Ryuko retorted with a sassy wave if her finger. "I don't want help from a child."

"I'm a year older than y-"

"I am not getting in a freaking transformer!" Ryuko spat and crossed her arms.

"It's not a transformer, just get in the car," Nonon closed Satsuki's door and walked over to her. "Do you see an autobot or deceptionocon symbol thingy on the car?" she decided to play along.

"It's… it's not a deceptionocon, Noonoon, it's a decepticon," Ryuko corrected the shorter girl. "But… there isn't a symbol on it…" She became quiet for a few moments, apparently deep in thought as she rubbed her chin and the two silently stood outside by themselves while the birds chirped. "So I guess it's safe to drive in then!" Ryuko shouted abruptly and opened the door before taking her seat next to her sister.

"Oh, this car ride is gonna be interesting," Nonon said while heading to her seat behind the steering wheel. She turned on her front camera and carefully placed her phone on a little stand on the dashboard in order to record the two while she drove. Once she was certain in wouldn't fall over and also checked to make sure both sisters were properly buckled, she started up her car and the trio was off to the road.

The two in the backseat were doing relatively decently, Satsuki simply looked very confused outside her window while Ryuko bobbed her head to absent music. Then they drove passed a building that sold cars and Ryuko about lost her mind.

"Oh my fuck! What is that?!" Ryuko shouted in terror as she pointed out her window at a dancing purple bear mascot for the car company.

"It's alright, it's just a guy in a costume, Ryuko," Nonon tried to reassure the terrified younger sister as they drove passed it.

"Oh my god, he's a furry?!" Ryuko leaned forward.

Nonon's cackle came forth as she tried to answer. "No, I don't… I don't know, Ryuko, I don't know," she continued behind a chuckle.

"You're car…is absolutely filthy, Nonon," Satsuki said in disapproval.

"Thanks, Satsu," Nonon grinned because her car was actually pretty clean. The only thing that made it "filthy" was an empty soda bottle at Satsuki's feet. "I'll clean it out when I get back."

"I hope that bird has a great life," Ryuko babbled to herself while looking out her window.

"Wh-what? Wait a minute…" Satsuki pulled something small from her pocket. "What is this?" She held up a small, plastic case that slightly rattled from within.

"That's the case with your wisdom teeth in it," Nonon replied. "Your dentist handed it to you and you put in in your pocket."

"Oh…" Satsuki whispered opening the case and viewed her teeth within. "That sick murderer!"

"How come I didn't get one?" Ryuko whined as she curiously gazed at Satsuki's container.

"You did," Nonon answered, "it's in your jacket pocket."

Ryuko reached in her jacket pocket and also pulled out her own little container which rattled from the sound of her lose teeth within. "Ew…" she groaned once she opened it. "They look like little icebergs from Alaska..." She then proceeded to roll down her window before tossing both her teeth and the container out of the car and they hit a walking pedestrian in the face.

"Ryuko!" Nonon scolded sternly.

"What?"

"Why'd you do that?"

"Do what?" Ryuko asked curiously.

"Why'd you throw your teeth out the window?!"

"Everyone deserves… a chance, you can't just judge people like that, Jakunon…" Ryuko babbled.

"Jakunon…?" Nonon whispered to herself.

Looking out of the corner of her eye, Ryuko had spotted something. "What the- Ah!" Ryuko suddenly started to flail her hands around her face like she was being attacked by something. "What the fuck is this red thing! I'm being murdered! It's a radioactive wasp!"

"I'm radioactive, I'm radioactive!" Satsuki sang sloppily.

"Ryuko, Ryuko!" Nonon tried to get the girl's attention. "It's just your hair, it's not a wasp!"

"I'm waking up… to ash... and dust!" Satsuki bobbed her head.

"It's my hair?! Aw shit, I'm on fire!" Ryuko shouted.

"Breathing in… the chemicals!" Satsuki continued before gasping deeply.

"You little, red Satan, get the hell away from me, ow!" she harshly grabbed and pulled on the red streak of hair.

"Oh my god, you guys. Satsuki, please stop singing for a minute!" Nonon ordered.

Satsuki quickly stopped and tears began to form in her eyes as she pursed her lip. "You don't like my singing?" she whimpered softly.

Nonon felt guilty and began to apologize, "No, no, I didn't mean it li-"

"My hair's on fucking fire, you shit head, do something!" Ryuko shouted while still flailing around.

"Dude, we're about to pull the fuck over," Nonon called. "Ryuko!"

"What!?" Ryuko answered still yanking on her own hair.

"You… are not… on fire," Nonon spoke calmly but sternly.

Ryuko paused for moment before furrowing her brows and looking offended. "Then why the hell didn't you just say so?" she relaxed and leaned back in the seat.

Nonon sighed before looking at Satsuki through her mirror and found that she was pouting, arms crossed and looking out her window.

"Satsu?" Nonon baited.

"I am not talking to you," Satsuki protested. "I… will only talk to my wife..."

"You're married?!" Ryuko shouted completely baffled. "Who's your wife?"

"Jakuzure," Satsuki answered bluntly.

"Awww," Ryuko groaned.

Nonon was humored but very confused, but she decided not to argue too hard with medication. They didn't get far before Ryuko had something to proclaim once again.

"Holy shit!" she yelled in astonishment while pulling forward the collar of her shirt to view her chest. "My boobs are fucking huge, bruh!"

"Who's driving?" Satsuki asked.

"Me?" Nonon replied.

Satsuki was silent with her mouth slightly a gap and squinted her eyes at Nonon with deep confusion. "No… No you're not."

"I am," replied Nonon. "I'm at the wheel and controlling this car."

"What are you even talking about?" Satsuki tilted her head looking very dazed and utterly confused.

Nonon couldn't help but laugh. "Nothing, Satsu, you just chill back there."

"Legit, Jakuzurnon, my bra is like two craters," Ryuko said still starring in awe at her chest. "Seriously, how the hell do I sleep?"

"I don't kn-"

"Wait a minute, where is my girlfriend?" Ryuko placed her hands on her hips.

"She went on a business trip, remember?" Nonon asked.

"Oh, yeah…" Ryuko said softly. Gazing down, she fiddled with her fingers before tears began to form in her eyes. "Why's she have be gone so long?" she cried.

"It's only been two days, Ryuko, she'll be back tomorrow," Nonon tried to reassure.

"Two days?!" Ryuko asked as her tears fell. "She hasn't ruffled my hair in two days?! She's so cute, I miss her so much!"

"Uh! Ryuko, you want a milkshake?" Nonon asked in an attempt to make Ryuko stop crying.

Ryuko perked up instantly, "Yeah, I want a milkshake."

"Satsu, you want a milkshake?" Nonon asked.

Satsuki was too focused on very closely observing each one of her fingers. Spreading her fingers out and slowly waving her hand back and forth in front of her face, she suddenly slapped herself in the mouth with her palm, looking startled by the sting.

"Satsuki," Nonon laughed.

"Huh?"

"Do you want a milkshake?"

"Yes…" Satsuki uttered before very slowly placing her hand over her face and leaving it there.

Nonon redirected the car and headed for the nearest fast-food place that sold milkshakes. Upon arrival, they pulled into the drive-thru.

"Welcome to McChanalds, how may I help you?" someone spoke through the intercom.

"'Wha- Who in the hell is that?" Ryuko asked loudly.

Satsuki rolled down her window. "Hello! Are you a genie? The three wish geenie," she sang as she began bob her head again.

"I'm sorry?" the voice from the intercom asked.

"Guys, be quiet," Nonon whispered and rolled Satsuki's window back up with the frontal buttons before she turned her attention back to the intercome. "Can we have three chocolate milksh-"

"Hey! I want the rainbow one!" Ryuko interrupted.

"They don't have a rainbow one, what the hell even flavor is that?! Just be happy with a chocolate!" Nonon whisper yelled behind her.

"I'm sorry, we're all out of chocolate," the speaker voiced. "But we still have strawberry and vanilla."

Satsuki rolled her window back down, "You're not a very good genie, Genie," she called forth to the intercom. "Oh my god, were you just a ghost this whole time?!"

"I'm sorry, what?" The intercom asked.

"Satsuki!" Nonon lightly scolded, "stop opening the window!"

"What the literal fuck is that lady wearing?!" Ryuko shouted while looking out her window.

"Sorry about that, three vanilla milkshakes, please," Nonon requested into the intercom.

"Legit, man, she looks like a… like… like a walking stop sign that got struck by lightning… in a cereal box… from Atlanta. Like the ostrich from the fruit loops box," Ryuko babbled on quietly in the backseat.

Once the price of their orders were told, Nonon pulled up to the first window.

"I think... I think that I am part panda," Satsuki groggily announced. "Bitches, I am part panda!"

Then the cashier opened the window and greeted them. "Hello, that'll b-"

"Ma fucked a panda?! That is disgusting!" Ryuko cried out in astonishment.

The silence and the look of horror on the cashier's face as well as the fact that the usually elegant and well-mannered Satsuki actually swore was enough to make the dead laugh, so Nonon faired no better and leaned her forehead against the steering wheel and tried to contain the laughter thundering in her chest.

"I had a feeling she was a whore, but that's just gross," Ryuko grumbled. "You don't just screw around with animals, Ma…"

"U-um… That'll be $6.73, ma'am…" the cashier said from her window.

Nonon pulled out her money and handed it to the chashier while still trying to contain her laughter as well as some slight embarrassment that the ladies in the back were causing her. The woman took the money and entered a couple things into the cash register with a very bewildered look on her face all the while.

"You know… I'm a police cop," Ryuko pulled out her wallet and playfully pushed it into her sister's face. "This is my badge of honor… given to me by sheriff Balto Baltimore…"

"If you tazer someone's breast, would it jiggle?" Satsuki asked not at all fazed by having a wallet pressed into the side of her face. She was instead intently gazing at the palm of her hand once again.

"Naw… Wait, would it?" Ryuko paused for a few moments and the car fell silent. "Hey!" She suddenly cried out and greatly startled Satsuki who jumped and pursed her lip from the scare. "Who wants to sing a song?!" She then proceeded to toss her wallet into the front seat before she began to mumble a collision of whatever song or any random words that came to mind.

But because she was startled by Ryuko's outburst, pools of tears had begun to swell in Satsuki's eyes. Ryuko quickly stopped her "singing" when she saw her sister on the brink of tears.

"What happened?!" Ryuko asked in concern.

"You scared me, nee-chan…" Satsuki whimpered as a single tear rolled down her face.

Ryuko immediately felt guilty and she too started to become teary eyed. She enveloped her sister in her arms and proceeded to cry as well. "I don't remember why we're crying, but I'm really sorry! I love you, Satsuki!"

"I love you too, Ryuko!" Satsuki whimpered still in Ryuko's gentle grasp.

"Oh my god, you guys are killing me." Nonon proceeded to cackle into the palm of her hand as the cashier handed her the receit and her change.

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah, I don't know lol


End file.
